Dear Miss Lita,
I’ve been doing drag for few years now, and I am becoming more sober curious. My sisters are all about the "party girl" aesthetic, and the dressing room is basically a cocktail lounge with mirrors. I’m terrified that if I go sober, I’ll be the "boring one" backstage. I’m also scared that my stage fright will take over if I don’t have that shot before the show starts. How did you deal with getting sober when the rest of the club wants you to party? Can I really stay “that girl" if I’m the only one not drinking?
First of all, know that choosing yourself is the best business and artistic decision you will ever make. I am not here to preach; I can only speak from my own experience. If you are "sober curious," here is what I’ve learned along the way.
I’ll let you in on a little secret: I didn’t set out to be one of those "Sober Queens." Where I’m from, a sober queen was an odd concept. I started my career at 19 near Cocoa Beach, Florida, and drinking and drag had gone hand-in-hand for me since before I was even legal. Along with that came a cigarette habit I just couldn’t kick.
After watching my husband successfully remove both alcohol and cigarettes from his life, I made a pact: I would quit drinking for 30 days just to help me quit smoking. I knew I had to go cold turkey.
I took two weeks off from shows so I wouldn’t compromise my goal. I know that’s hard for full-time entertainers, but if you can swing it, take the break! I planned my "quit" right after a busy Pride Month when I had a little extra cushion in the bank. Let me tell you, I’m glad I did—I was a mess. I spent those weeks pacing my house, constantly sucking on sugar-free Lifesavers until the floor was covered in plastic wrappers.
When I finally returned to the stage, I learned quickly who my real friends were. My first show back was with a producer who totally had my back. He checked on me all night. One of my drag sisters told me I "looked like shit" that day—and she was right! I hadn’t figured out how to do my makeup without a cigarette break or a glass of wine to "relax" me. When I told her the truth, we bonded over our shared experiences with addiction. I never had to explain it again.
A week later, I invited some people over for a pool day. Someone I thought was a "best friend" tried to pressure me to drink, even trying to pour a beer in my mouth. They started telling everyone I was being "stuck up." In reality, I was fighting for my sanity, trying to manage my anxiety without the two crutches I’d used my entire adult life. That "friend" is no longer in my life. If your drag sisters treat you differently because you stop drinking, they aren’t sisters, they are drinking buddies.
My drag father once told me there comes a point where you decide if you’re going to be a "party girl" or a "professional girl." While a little party never killed nobody (shoutout to Fergie), too much of it can kill a career.
Producers don’t book you based on how many shots you can handle; they book you for your timeliness, your backstage etiquette, and your ability to command an audience. When a director knows they can trust you to be a pro off-stage, your bookings will increase. Nobody wants to work with the messy queen who doesn't know when to stop.
Navigating the Bar Scene
As divas, we’re used to bartenders handing us our favorite drink before our bags even hit the dressing room floor. We live for that treatment! But if you’re changing your ways, here is how to navigate the gig:
- Get the Staff on Your Team: Let the producers and bartenders know you’re not drinking. It’s easier when they have your back, and you don’t want your favorite bartender wasting a Lemon Drop martini on someone who won't touch it!
- Find Your "Signature Mocktail": As a former bartender, I love a good recipe. My personal favorite is pineapple and cranberry juice with a cherry and lime. It looks just as refreshing and fruity as I do!
- The "Antibiotic" Alibi: Girl, people know we don’t have the best health insurance! If you aren't ready to "come out" as sober yet, just say you’re on antibiotics for a toothache. It works every time.
- Create a New Ritual: I traded my pre-show cigarette and shot for a sugar-free mint, a good stretch, and some deep breathing exercises. It grounded me and helped my anxiety during those first few shows.
We are conditioned to think alcohol creates the magic. It doesn’t. It just blurs the edges. You aren’t losing your spark by getting sober; you’re cleaning the lens so the audience can finally see it! Those pre-show nerves? They are supposed to be there and you will learn to use them to give a better performance!
A funny thing happened after those first 30 days: I felt amazing. I wanted to see how long I could keep it going. This July, it will be three years. I realized I didn’t need "liquid courage" to own the stage. I liked this version of myself, so I kept her around.
Yes, I still deal with anxiety. But the things I’ve accomplished since quitting make me respect myself enough to protect myself. I’m focused on my mental health like never before, thanks to a great therapist and psychiatry team. If you’re sober-curious, I think you’re going to love the new version of yourself, too. I wish you all the best.
With Love,
Miss Lita Taylor